Along with blooming flowers, comes the promise of new relationships. When spring arrives, new couples can be seen holding hands while strolling under the beautiful emerging sun. But, what is love and how does it happen? In Annie Reed’s words from Sleepless in Seattle “love is like magic.” But what makes us fall in love with that one person, or moreover, why are we attracted to one person giving us that unique feeling of magic.
Many theories have been proposed on the science of falling in love, but most share a common theme that love is comprised of intimacy, compassion, attraction, and attachment. How these feelings develop is often described in three stages. The first is lust or physical attraction driven by sexual hormones in men and women. The second stage is attraction, but not the sexual kind, rather the “crush” kind. Adrenaline is responsible for those sweats and rapid heart beats you experience when someone you are attracted to approaches and dopamine is responsible for that feeling of pleasure and energy you get when thinking about or being with your crush. The third and final stage is attachment. This stage is usually due to oxytosin and vasopressin both hormones which lead to a feeling of attachment and intimacy with your partner.
Finding someone attractive at first sight is a different story. We are for the most part attracted to people who are compatible with us in socioeconomically, intellectually, religiously, and ethnically. However, these factors only seem relevant after two people have gotten to know each other. But what makes you turn your head, and what makes you feel a connection to a person without getting to know them? Scientific studies attribute attraction to evolution. We search for characteristics that have been engrained in us since the first Homo sapiens. A symmetrical face for both men and women is said to be most attractive while for women a youthful hourglass figure is attractive because evolutionary speaking, it means the woman is healthy for child rearing and carrying on a male’s genes. Women are said to be more attracted to men with angular faces and prominent jaws and greater muscle mass signs of greater testosterone levels, therefore more protection. Clear and smooth skin, fuller lips, bright eyes, and lustrous hair are also signs of attraction as evolutionary speaking they signify health.
Helen Fisher, the author of the book Why him? Why her? suggests that attraction is due to hormone levels. According to Fisher, hormones attract other hormones and so a high level of a hormone in one person can attract a high level of hormone in another person. This leads to certain personality types in humans which she has outlined.(Check out a more detailed explanation of her work at http://www.tellinitlikeitis.net/2009/01/why-him-why-her-helen-fisher-personality-test-understanding-your-personality-type.html) Other factors such as scent, which actually deals with pheromones that signal brain responses of attraction, and personal history such as whether or not someone reminds you of your first love, is more personal and specific to a person in the laws of attraction. Aside from all these evolutionary qualities people often search for a mate who shares similar characteristics in hopes of building a family.
One thing though that most scientists agree is that attraction and love is a result of fortuitous encounters. A chance meeting can lead to a life together. Sometimes love and relationships follow the saying “in the right place at the right time.”
